Handbook for Parents 1
Impact of separation and divorce

3) My children

Separation/divorce can lead to dramatic changes to both the adults' and the children's lives. When parents separate/divorce, the children are also being affected by this decision. Therefore, separated/divorced parents not only have to manage their own conflicting feelings, they also need to attend to the children’s needs and demands.

During the separation/divorce, children tend to have a lot of question marks in their heads – "Do my parents not love me anymore?", "Am I the cause of this because I did something wrong?", "Will I still be able to see my mom/dad?" etc. They will experience different feelings. At the beginning, they might be in denial of the separation and falsely believe that both parents are still together. As they slowly learn to accept the truth, they may show resentment and disappointment towards this decision, and that they think they do not deserve this. When it is halfway through the separation, some children will still hope for a chance that both parents will get back together – "If I behave myself and get good grades, then maybe my parents will stop fighting and get back together". They may feel a great degree of sadness when later on that they finally realise there is no turning around.