Handbook for Parents 1
Impact of separation and divorce

3) My children

How to assist children to adapt to the separated lives

• Explain the situation to them in their comprehendible language; ensure them that this is a decision made by the two adults, and that there is nothing for them to feel liable for.


• Assure them of your love and care through action. They are very vulnerable during this period of time, and they need your love and support – it could simply be by telling them you love them verbally over and over again.


• Be sensible and listen to their conflicting emotions caused by this separation/divorce, provide them a healthy channel to express these feelings.


• Tell them the specific living arrangement after divorce, such as their daily routine, caring and housing arrangement, bonding schedule, schooling... etc. Listen to their views as far as possible so that they can be prepared psychologically and settle more easily.


• Try to provide a stable environment for the children the best you can – attending the same school, keeping in touch with the existing group of friends, as well as keeping the same living and resting schedule. Do not rush into making any big change. Let them know beforehand so they can be mentally prepared, and gradually progress step by step.


• As the parent that lives with the children, try and spend as much time as possible with them to build up a sense of security; as the parent that doesn’t live with the children, try and visit them regularly, so they feel loved and protected. That way they can cope with the separation better.


• Assist and encourage the older children to build good relationships between their siblings, classmates, teachers and neighbours, so they can gain more support in dealing with the parents’ separation/divorce and rebuilding their esteem and confidence.